


Bust Amboy

by LilyK



Category: Starsky & Hutch
Genre: Gen, transcript
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-15 13:40:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28939389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilyK/pseuds/LilyK
Summary: Starsky and Hutch are determined to break up Amboy’s drug operation which involves getting underage girls hooked on the drugs.
Kudos: 1
Collections: Starsky & Hutch Original Series Transcripts





	Bust Amboy


    BUST AMBOY
    
    Season 2, Episode 6
    
    Original Airdate: October 23, 1976
    
    Written by: Ron Friedman
    Created by: William Blinn
    Directed by: George W. Brooks
    
    Summary: Starsky and Hutch are determined to break up Amboy’s drug operation which involves getting underage girls hooked on the drugs. 
    
    Cast: 
            David Soul			...	Det. Ken 'Hutch' Hutchinson
     	Paul Michael Glaser 		... 	Det. Dave Starsky
     	Antonio Fargas 		        ... 	HUGGY Bear 
     	Bernie Hamilton 		... 	Capt. Harold Dobey
     	Art Metrano 			... 	Amboy
     	Chuck Bergansky 		... 	Goose 
     	Nicholas Worth 		        ... 	Denny 
     	Richard Derr 		     	... 	Francis Bacon Stockwood 
     	Lisa Mordente 		        ... 	Mickey
     	Howard Honig 		        ... 	Chuckles 
     	Nathan Jung 			... 	Itchy 
     	Roger Etienne 		        ... 	Rogier 
     	Fred Ottaviano 		        ... 	Undercover Officer (as Fred Rolaf) 
     	Ned York 			... 	Officer 
     	Trudy Marshall 		        ... 	Mrs. De Haven 
    
     
    **Exterior - Day -** **Sunny Glen Funeral Home**
     
    HUTCH: Now, those are definitely ladies in mourning. 
     
    STARSKY: Could've fooled me.
    
    HUTCH: You ready? 
    
    STARSKY: Think we're dressed okay? 
    
    HUTCH: Who's gonna care? 
    
    STARSKY: I don't know. Thought I might've worn a tie.  Flowers are very heavy. 
    
    HUTCH: We're going into Stiff City. Just give us time to get past the management. 
    
    PATROL OFFICER: You got it, Hutch. Get ready, guys. 
    
    STARSKY: Yeah. The least you could do is smell them. Camouflage your actions.  What's the matter?
    
    HUTCH: It's my allergy. 
    
    
    Interior - Day - Sunny Glen Funeral Home
    
    FUNERAL DIRECTOR: Yes? May I be of service in your hour of need? You didn't tell me the name of the beloved. Perhaps you'd prefer to speak to our grief therapist. What's the meaning of this?
    
    STARSKY: It's called a warrant. 
    
    HUTCH: Do it now. 
    
    STARSKY: Police! 
     
    MICKEY: Hutch.
    
    STARSKY: Guess who's dead. 
    
    HUTCH: You're all under arrest for prostitution. Sit down, stay there. Mickey. 
    
    MICKEY: No, no, no fair. 
    
    HUTCH: I'm disappointed in you. I thought you'd straighten out after that massage-parlor bust. 
    
    MICKEY: Hutch.
    
    HUTCH: Get her out of here.
    
    MICKEY: Hutch, you can't bust us. You got no authority here. 
    
    HUTCH: Get him out of here. 
    
    MICKEY: You are unconstitutional. 
    
    FUNERAL DIRECTOR: You'll regret this. Mr. Amboy will lean on you so hard, you'll wish you'd never put on a badge. 
    
    HUTCH: I don't think he's gonna make it home tonight. 
    
    FUNERAL DIRECTOR: I'm telling you, Mr. Amboy is not-
    
    HUTCH: Sit down. Well, we got all of them?
    
    STARSKY: Looks like it. How'd you like to peruse an example of the fine art of embalming? Amazing what a little make-up can do. 
    
    HUTCH: Yeah, it's a pity they got him lying in a draft. 
    
    STARSKY: Well, gee, we ought to cover him up. He might catch cold. 
     
    GOOSE: Help! Help! I'm alive! I'm alive. I'm not dead. 
    
    STARSKY: You're kidding? Really? 
    
    GOOSE: See? I'm breathing.  
    
    STARSKY: Come on, Goose, out you go. 
    
    GOOSE: Okay, okay. You got nothing on me. 
    
    STARSKY: Huh, how about air pollution? 
    
    GOOSE: When Mr. Amboy finds out you been leaning on the old Goose, he's gonna get his legal brains out, and you're in a lot of trouble. 
    
    HUTCH: Yeah, well, Goose, you got it all wrong. Because you see, right now, I'm gonna go out and I'm gonna bust another one of Amboy's operations. And he's gonna be so busy crying that he's not gonna remember your name. The good times are over, pal. Book him, huh?
    
    STARSKY: Yeah. Hey, Hutch. Don't be a hero.
    
    HUTCH: Who, me?
    
    GOOSE: Where's he going? 
    
    STARSKY: Oh, he's going out to bust one of Mr. Amboy's big number banks. 
    
    GOOSE: No one knows where the bank is. 
    
    STARSKY: You wanna bet, turkey? Of course, if someone could warn the bank before the bust went down, Amboy would probably give him 10-grand reward and a tag team of broads to match. Of course, that ain't gonna happen because the only ones that know about it are Hutch, me and you. Turn around. Hey! Hey, come back here! 
    
    
    Exterior - Day - Sunny Glen Funeral Home
    
    STARSKY: Halt!
    
    
    Exterior - Day - In the Torino
    
    HUTCH: I hope that guys dumb enough to lead us to Amboy's bank. 
    
    STARSKY: Are you kidding? His hat size is bigger than his IQ. 
    
    STARSKY: Did you plant the beeper on the hearse? 
    
    HUTCH: What does that look like? 
    
    STARSKY: Beeper.
    
    HUTCH: That's right. 
    
    STARSKY: You know, if that guy keeps burning rubber like some brave soldier in a black and white is gonna pull him over before we reach that piggy bank. 
    
    HUTCH: Right. This is Zebra 3 to all units in the west side, sector north. Do not, repeat no, interfere with a speeding hearse. The driver is en route to an emergency funeral. His own. 
    
    Exterior - Day - Roadside Produce Stand
    
    MUSCLE Bennie says it's real fresh, Mr. AAmboy.  
     
    AMBOY: He always says that. What he doesn't know is that corn has to be eaten within the first few hours of picking. Otherwise, the natural sugars turn starchy and you lose the delicate flavor. That's beautiful. Mm-hm. Now, what about the weekend receipts? What'd they come to? 
     
    MUSCLE: $141,000. Not bad for a quiet weekend. 
    
    AMBOY: Itchy, tell Bennie to pack some more corn with the rest of my order. And make him hurry up with my bread. Sit here too long, the corn's gonna spoil, huh? 
    
    MUSCLE: Yeah, yeah. 
    
    GOOSE: Run for it, the cops. 
     
    AMBOY: There's a problem. Let's get out of here. Move it. 
     
    STARSKY:  Only one sucker punch to a customer, sucker. 
    
    AMBOY: Get Stockwood on the phone. I want my people out on bail before the ink gets dry on the booking cards. And then get me the name of those pigs.
     
    HUTCH: Don't do it, turkey.
    
    STARSKY: Should've known this place was crooked. What they getting for corn? 
     
    HUTCH: And it looks like it's not gonna be one of Mr. Amboy's better days. 
    
    
    Interior - Day - Dobey's Office
     
    STARSKY: What's going on? We spent a whole morning trying to bust Amboy's creeps. And now they're walking before we even finished writing our reports. 
     
    HUTCH: Hey. Hey, wait a minute. Wait a minute. This stuff is evidence, captain.
     
    DOBEY: Take it easy. This is Mr. Amboy's attorney. Mr. Stockwood. 
     
    STOCKWOOD: It is cash intended for my client's legitimate business, which you and your partner appropriated legally while engaged in improper search and seizure. 
    
    HUTCH: Captain-
    
    STOCKWOOD: You didn't even bother to get a warrant. 
     
    HUTCH: Captain, we had a warrant. 
     
    STARSKY: What's the 140 thou for? Brussels Sprouts? Look, Captain, we pursued an escaped felon to a suspected numbers banks. We confiscated $140,000 in case from known criminals who resisted arrest. 
     
    DOBEY: You also crossed the county line. 
     
    HUTCH: What?
     
    DOBEY: That's right. The warrant was issued in this county. In the pursuit of your suspect to that vegetable market, you crossed the county line. That made it invalid. 
     
    STOCKWOOD: You'd better explain the legal facts of life to your men, Captain. Then perhaps their future procedures will be, shall we say, less questionable. 
     
    STARSKY: Look, buster, I don't know who the hell you- 
     
    MICKEY: Mr. Stockwood, they said I could go now. Excuse me for interrupting. 
     
    STOCKWOOD: I'll be leaving with you. To wrap this up, gentlemen, I don't know why you've taken it upon yourselves to wage this vendetta against Mr. Amboy, but perhaps you'll be ale to explain your actions in court. 
     
    HUTCH: I think I'd like to try to explain it right now. Mickey. 
     
    MICKEY: Hey, hey. 
     
    HUTCH: Look at that. Pretty, huh? Now, Mickey is 17 years old. She belongs in school flunking Latin or going out with the class jock, not turning tricks on the street to feed her arm. Now, who strung her out, Stockwood, along with thousands of other kids just like her? That good old, legitimate businessman client of yours. We want him. And we're not gonna stop until we get him. 
     
    STOCKWOOD: I suggest you keep your men off my client's back, Captain. Or be prepared to suffer the consequences. 
     
    DOBEY: Listen, here, take this stuff and get out. Go on, get out! 
     
    MICKEY: Hey, I'm really sorry. 
     
    STARSKY: Cap-
     
    DOBEY: I don't want to hear it. Amboy's friends upstairs been kicking me in the shins all morning. I'm not gonna have it from you. Look, I'm gonna tell you something. If you can't get Amboy legally, I mean legally, back off and forget about it. 
     
    HUTCH: We had him, captain. We almost had him. And if we stick with him, sooner of later he's gonna make a mistake and when he does we are gonna get him. 
     
    DOBEY: All right. But make sure that mistake happens soon. Because until then, it's harassment. Now, go on, get out of my office, both of you. Go on! 
    
    
    Exterior - Day - Burger Bar
     
    STARSKY: You really gotta give this play a chance. 
     
    HUTCH: What? 
     
    STARSKY: Would you get off the grass? 
     
    HUTCH: Oh, come on.
     
    STARSKY: You got no respect, man. These people work very hard. Very hard. Underprivileged people. Now, come on. This restaurant, you know, is fantastic. And I want you to order anything to your heart's delight. I'm treating. Now, grab a menu. Come on. Wait until I show you this. You're gonna flip. Featured dish, hey. Peanut-butter burritos con jelly. What's the matter? 
     
    HUTCH: A lot of flies around here, aren't there? 
     
    STARSKY: Oh, don't worry. They're flying, not landing. Come on, let's order. I am so hungry. Morning.
     
    HUTCH: Starsk. 
     
    STARSKY: Huh?
     
    HUTCH: That's your car horn.
     
    HUTCH: No, it isn't. 
     
    STARSKY: Boy, am I- Will you, please? 
     
    HUTCH: Starsky, that's your horn. 
     
    STARSKY: Don't worry so much and order. I'm hungry. 
     
    HUTCH: All right, I'll fix it. 
     
    STARSKY: Oh, you're terrific. 
     
    HUTCH: Get off the grass. Don't you have any respect? These people work very hard. 
     
    STARSKY: You know, you got a lot of nerve, you know. I was buying. It was my treat.
     
    HUTCH: Yeah.
     
    STARSKY: You know what's wrong with you?
     
    HUTCH: What? 
     
    STARSKY: Mmm. Must have been a short. 
     
    HUTCH: You know what I'd like right now is a nice tall glass of orange juice. 
     
    MUSCLE: You'd never make it. Just relax, boys, and get in the car. We're going for a nice, little ride. Mr. Amboy wants to see you. 
    
    
    Interior - Day - Amboy's House
     
    AMBOY: Gentlemen, I didn't hear you come in. I guess I was really enjoying my newspaper. You know, London is such an interesting city. Please, excuse my rudeness. You're upset. Oh, listen, I'd be sore too if a couple of gorillas dragged me off the street and took me away from my regular activities. Will you put those weapons away? Sergeants Starsky and Hutchinson... 
     
    STARSKY: Hutchinson.
     
    HUTCH: Starsky. 
     
    AMBOY: They're my guests. Please, sit down. Please. They're animals. How about a drink? Nothing like a little champagne to clean out the palate and get it ready for some caviar. 
     
    HUTCH: Oh, Dom Perignon, 1966. Now, that was a year. 
     
    STARSKY: Is that good? 
     
    HUTCH: Is that good? That's one of the best years for champagne. Beluga, huh? 
     
    AMBOY: Ah, you're a man who knows quality. 
     
    STARSKY: That grey jelly? 
     
    HUTCH: Starsky, this grey jelly happens to be one of the most expensive foods in the world. Try it. Go ahead. Try it. 
     
    STARSKY: You got your fingers all over it. 
     
    HUTCH: That's all right. It's good. Uh, could I have a napkin please? 
     
    AMBOY: Bring them some napkins. 
     
    HUTCH: Uh, two. 
     
    AMBOY: You know, I uh, I knew you gentlemen were something special. I mean, uh, I mean, the way you, uh, stepped out of your precinct and came after me. I mean, that shows me that you're, uh, individuals with, uh, determination and spirit. And men with those kind of qualities deserve opportunity. I drink to opportunity. 
     
    STARSKY: Here.
     
    AMBOY: I mean, that's what this great country's all about, huh? 
     
    STARSKY: Hey. You know something? 
     
    HUTCH: Hm? 
     
    STARSKY: This ain't bad. 
     
    HUTCH: No. 
     
    STARSKY: You know, I think this is gonna be our first bicentennial bribery offer. 
     
    AMBOY: Bribes are for nobodies. I'm talking opportunity. Please. I mean, let's face it, gentlemen. What I have here is a red, white and blue 100 percent American success story. And I can make it your story too. 
     
    HUTCH: Starsky, I don't think he's offering us a bribe. 
     
    STARSKY: Hm?
     
    HUTCH: I think he's offering us our future. 
     
    AMBOY: 'Future.' Now that's the word. You know, gentlemen, you can't imagine how good everything tastes when you're rich and powerful. 
     
    STARSKY: I wonder how this tastes with peanut butter. Oh, you know something? I never thought about being an executive in the dope industry. What do you think?
     
    HUTCH: Well, I got a few questions.
     
    AMBOY: Please, ask away.
     
    HUTCH: Starsk, you know, anybody else might've tried to pass off red caviar. 
     
    STARSKY: It's no good?
     
    HUTCH: Well, it's not the real thing. It's salmon eggs. Now, this is the real thing. It's Russian sturgeon. The best, right?
     
    AMBOY: The best.
     
    HUTCH: Mr. Amboy can afford to pay for the best. What about all those 9-year-olds OD'd in doorways and the teenage hookers that you send into the sewers?
     
    AMBOY: What about them? Oh, you guys know them personally? No, let me answer that for you. You don't know them because you didn't want to knew them. Because they're nothings, they're zeros. They're losers. You see, whatever kicks they get, I sell them. And if they didn't buy it from me, they'd get it from somebody else. I'm just a good businessman. Itchy. 
     
    HUTCH: Very nice.
     
    AMBOY: That's our lunch. Itchy trained at Cordon Bleu. 
     
    HUTCH: Really? 
     
    AMBOY: Mm. 
     
    HUTCH: Ragout?
     
    AMBOY: Ragout.
     
    HUTCH: Starsky, this is ragout. 
     
    STARSKY: Ragout? 
     
    HUTCH: Lamb kidneys and-
     
    AMBOY: Baby veal.
     
    HUTCH: Ah, baby veal. Beautiful sauce. And the rotten smell of blood. We don't want any part of your future, Amboy. It stinks. 
     
    AMBOY: You know, you're dumb. Both of you, you're dumb cops. I offer you the good life and you throw it in my face. Why don't you guys take a good look around? I'm the one with the broads, the bread and the limousine. See, you seem to forget one thing, the golden rule. Remember it well. The man with the gold makes the rules. 
     
    STARSKY: You're gonna fall, Amboy. You're gonna fall. And when you do, we're gonna be right behind you. See you. 
     
    MUSCLE #2: You yo-yos need some manners. 
    
    (Fight ensues.)
     
    HUTCH: I think he knows karate. 
     
    STARSKY: You're lifestyle has just changed, Amboy. Things ain't gonna taste so good from now on. 
     
    HUTCH: Bon appetit. 
    
     
    AMBOY: Hold it, you idiots. We're gonna waste them, but I'm gonna tell you where and when. 
     
     Exterior - Day - In the Torino
    
    HUTCH: Something's wrong. No, not exactly wrong, just a piece out of place. 
     
    STARSKY: Amboy's out of place. He belongs in a cage in a zoo.
     
    HUTCH: Yeah, well, we'll put him there. Just as soon as he makes that buy, he's vulnerable. 
     
    STARSKY: Right. Why don't you call him up on the phone and ask him when he plans to do that? It would save a lot of time. 
     
    HUTCH: Oh, that's cute. Maybe there's another way we can find out, huh? 
     
     **Interior - Day - Bar**
     
    HUGGY: Best score for three darts. 50 bucks, right? 
     
    STARSKY: Fifty? Fifty's kinda high. 
     
    HUGGY: Well, it's a game of chance, my man. Could turn out to cost you nada. 
     
    HUTCH: Okay. Okay, Huggy.. What do you got? 
     
    HUGGY: Well, the word is, the street is just about dry. Lots of sick people out there hungry, looking for a fix. And big hearted sort that Mr. A is, he boosted his prices up during the drought, making for a lot of unhappy, unsatisfied customers. 
    
    STARSKY: So the pressure's on Amboy to come up with the stuff quick. 
     
    HUGGY: Uh-huh. And according to the grapevine, it won't be long until he does. I ain't no fortune-teller, but if you want my educated guess, Amboy's got to score and score big in the next couple of days. 
     
    HUTCH: Well, it's no wonder Amboy was anxious to make us rich. With that big buy coming up, we're too close for comfort. 
     
    HUGGY: Hey, fellas, that makes my score 63. And there ain't no way you gonna beat that. So, 50 bucks, please. 
     
    STARSKY: Hold it. Hold everything. We get a shot. 
     
    HUGGY: Be my guest, Starsky. 
     
    HUTCH: All right, that's 50 bucks, Starsk. 
     
    STARSKY: Clobber him. You can do it. Go ahead. Sorry. Watch this. He used to be a collegiate dart champion. 
     
    HUTCH: Just step back, huh?
     
    STARSKY: Step back. 
     
    HUGGY: Nice shot. 
     
    STARSKY: Okay, settle down. You'll get the hang of it. Go ahead. 
    
    HUGGY: What's the matter? 
     
    STARSKY: You doctored the darts.
     
    HUTCH: What? 
     
    HUGGY: Hey, man, the house has gotta have an edge. Right? 
     
     **Interior - Night - A** **ndre's** **Restaurant** 
    ROGIER: And the baby boar with the small potatoes and the carrots. Excellent choice, Mr. Amboy. 
     
    AMBOY: Thank you, Rogier. And I'd like the endive braised lightly. 
     
    ROGIER: Oh, yes, yes.
     
    AMBOY: Lightly.
     
    ROGIER: Yes. 
     
    AMBOY: If they overcook it, it tastes like trash. Paul, bring me some Mersault. I love Mersault on Tuesdays.
     
    DINNER GUEST: Very good wine. 
     
    HUTCH: Good evening. 
     
    STARSKY: Hey, hey, hey, hey, look who we have here. 
     
    HUTCH: Mr. Amboy, pusher and bigtime-? 
     
    STARSKY: Oh, it's Mr. Amboy, our pal, the connoisseur of eats, the owner of this fine establishment. 
     
    HUTCH: Here, have a chair, Starsk. 
     
    STARSKY: Thanks, don't mind if I do. What you drinking, Mr. Amboy? Oh, you call this vino? Throw it in the dumps. Bring Mr. Amboy a bottle of muscatel, and some fine Polish sausage and some sour pickles. You know, the kind with the giant warts. 
     
    DINNER GUEST: Oh.
     
    AMBOY: Please, excuse the intrusion. I don't know who these buffoons are. 
     
    HUTCH: Oh, forgive us. We're very, very close, personal friends with Mr. Amboy here. Uh, waiter, would you kindly bring this charming couple a crock of prune juice. They're gonna need it if they're friends of his. 
     
    ROGIER: How dare you accost Mr. Amboy in his own establishment? 
     
    STARSKY: Uh, Hutch, perhaps we lack couth. Aw, come on, let's Mr. Amboy and his pals chow down. Come in here and do what we started to do. 
     
    HUTCH: That's a good idea.  
     
    STARSKY: Police.
     
    HUTCH: Police. 
     
    STARSKY: Checking violations of the health code. 
     
    HUTCH: I checked the garbage cans out, Amboy. They don't look too good. They're full of garbage.  
     
    DINNER GUEST: This is utterly unforgivable. 
     
    STARSKY: Oh, try and be a good sport about it, sweetheart. The body search comes next.
     
    DINNER GUEST: Oh, Henry. 
     
    HUTCH: Never can tell who might be harboring dangerous fruit flies. 
     
    AMBOY: Now, cut it out! Get off my back! 
     
    STARSKY: Whoo! Prune juice is on the house. 
     
    AMBOY: I'm not gonna let you guys harass me, you understand? I'm not gonna let you crumbs harass me. You understand?  
     
    DINER: (off camera) I'm never coming here again. 
     
    HUTCH: I think we're starting to get to him.
     
    STARSKY: This could be the beginning of a terminal relationship. 
    
    
    Exterior - Night - Amboy's House
     
    HUTCH: Starsk. Starsky. 
     
    STARSKY: Mm.
     
    HUTCH: Starsk. 
     
    STARSKY: I told you, not tonight. I got a headache. 
     
    HUTCH: Oh, come on. It's 4:00 in the morning. I'd like to get a little sleep too, you know? Come on.
     
    STARSKY: Okay. 
     
    HUTCH: Why don't you let me get back first? 
     
    STARSKY: Oh, just-
     
    HUTCH: What-?
     
    STARSKY: Oh, my neck. 
     
    HUTCH: What are you doing? Nobody's gone in or out. Well, I could've told you you'd have a crick in your neck. Your posture's terrible. 
     
    STARSKY: My posture?
     
    HUTCH: Yeah, your posture. Easy, that's my foot. 
    
    
    Exterior - Day - Amboy's House
    
    HUTCH: No. Get away from me.  
     
    STARSKY: Hutch.
     
    HUTCH: What? 
     
    STARSKY: Wake up.
     
    HUTCH: What? 
     
    STARSKY: Amboy's just had a visitor. He's just leaving. 
    
    HUTCH: Man, was I having a nightmare. This 300-pound hairdresser with a curling iron. Just wait a second, will you? This is Zebra 3. Will you run a make on license number-? 
     
    STARSKY: Save it.
     
    HUTCH: What do you mean, 'save it.'? 
     
    STARSKY: Save it. It's Squire Fox. 
     
    HUTCH: How do you know that? 
     
    STARSKY: I saw him. 
     
    HUTCH: Well, why didn't you say so? 
     
    STARSKY: I just did.
     
    HUTCH: This is Zebra 3. Save it. Squire Fox? That name sounds familiar, Starsky. 
     
    STARSKY: It ought to. Give you a hint. Small time smugglers, booze, cigarettes. 
     
    HUTCH: Shakedowns on the shipping lanes, right? 
     
    STARSKY: You got it. He made us. 
    
    HUTCH: Yeah, he's moving.
     
    STARSKY: Don't worry. Squire Fox never out ran anybody. 
     
    HUTCH: Hey, hey, wait a minute, Starsk. Wait a minute. Stop the car, will you? 
     
    STARSKY: What are you talking about?
     
    HUTCH: Starsk, just stop the car.
     
    STARSKY: What are you talking about? I'm gonna lose him.  
     
    HUTCH: STARSKY, stop the car.
     
    STARSKY: You're nuts!
     
    HUTCH: Stop the car, Starsk!
     
    STARSKY: Okay!  
     
    HUTCH: Starsk.
     
    STARSKY: Why'd you do that to me? 
     
    HUTCH: Starsky. Starsky, that something that was out of place, Squire Fox just put it back together again. 
     
    STARSKY: That something that was out of place is my neck. I just got whiplash. 
     
    HUTCH: No, no, it's not. The London Daily Dispatch.
     
    STARSKY: London Daily Dispatch?
     
    HUTCH: What was a slug like Amboy doing reading The London Daily Dispatch? 
    
    
    Exterior - Day - City Street
     
    HUTCH: Well, Amboy's tastes in reading didn't exactly run in the gamut of great literature.
     
    STARSKY: Literature? 
     
    HUTCH: Well, he wouldn't have been leafing through The London Daily Dispatch without a reason. 
     
    STARSKY: He wasn't leafing. 
     
    HUTCH: What was he doing?
     
    STARSKY: Staring. 
     
    HUTCH: What?
     
    STARSKY: And he had it folded. Like this. 
     
    HUTCH: All right.  
     
    STARSKY: Anything? 'Passengers leaving Southampton on S.S. Southwold for luxury cruise.'
     
    HUTCH: Right.
     
    STARSKY: So? 
     
    HUTCH: So it arrives tomorrow night. 
     
    STARSKY: Terrific. 
     
    HUTCH: Amboy needs to make a buy and I think he made himself an English connection. 
     
    STARSKY: Hey- 
    
    
    Interior - Day - Tailor's Shop
     
    AMBOY: (on phone) I know you got customers waiting. They're my customer's too, ain't they? Well, listen, it's not like taking a prescription down to your neighborhood drugstore, you know. I'm working on the problem. Now, you just tell your people that everybody's getting well real soon. I'll call you back. (hangs up) Get out of my life. 
     
    HUTCH: Oh, say, Amboy, we thought you might be interested in this item in The London Daily Dispatch. It's very interesting. 
     
    STARSKY: Yeah. There's this article about a boat about to leave from England loaded with dream dust. 
     
    AMBOY: I'm not putting up with any more of this. Stockwood!  
     
    MICKEY: Now you're gonna get it. 
     
    STOCKWOOD: That's far enough, gentlemen. This is an injunction enjoining you from further harassment of Mr. Amboy. Interfere with his normal activities again and you will be subject to prosecution under law. 
     
    STARSKY: Harassment? Harassment? We didn't come here to harass anyone did we, HUTCH? 
     
    HUTCH: Certainly not.
     
    STARSKY: No.
     
    HUTCH: We were just down here checking on a report of a flasher in the area. And there he is, shamelessly exposing himself.
     
    STARSKY: I can't look. It's disgusting. Would you please read him his rights, Sergeant Hutchinson. 
     
    MICKEY: Mr. A, a flasher? 
     
    HUTCH: Listen, Starsk, maybe we can let the man off with a warning if he promises to buy a raincoat, huh? 
     
    AMBOY: Won't be such a big laugh when you comedians get busted for hassling me. I got the law on my side. Shut up! 
    
    HUTCH: Mickey. 
     
    MICKEY: Now what are you gonna get me for? Double parking? What's the matter? 
     
    HUTCH: You shouldn't be laughing, Mickey, not when the joke's on you. 
     
    STARSKY: See, Mickey, as far as Amboy's concerned, you're a nothing. All he's gotta do is wind you up on smack and you're gonna do anything he wants and that, to him, is a great big yuck. 
     
    HUTCH: Now, we know that Amboy's gonna be making a buy. And we wanna be there to bust him when he does. Now, maybe you can remember what your like was like before he turned you into a funny girl, and give us a call. We'll be waiting to hear from you. 
    
    MICKEY:  Yeah, I'll give you a call-next time I need a laugh. 
    
    
    Exterior - Day - Amboy's House
     
    STARSKY: (on walkie-talkie) Hutch. Hey, Hutch. Hutch. Hey, Blondie? 
     
    HUTCH: What do you want? 
     
    STARSKY: What do I want? I'm lonely. You got anything over there? 
     
    HUTCH: No, nothing much. Just some bumblebee that's hot after my after-shave. 
     
    STARSKY: Don't move.  
     
    HUTCH: What? What? 
     
    STARSKY: Don't move. It's probably a very friendly bee, probably just making an inquiry. Amboy's planning quite a party; I wonder what he's celebrating. 
     
    HUTCH: Probably confusion. He probably wants as much activity to cover his moves as he can get.
     
    STARSKY: Shh! What's the matter? 
     
    HUTCH: That bee just inquired. 
     
    STARSKY: About what?
     
    HUTCH: A not-too-distant relative. 
     
    STARSKY: The misfortunes of man. 
    
    
    Interior - Day - Amboy's Home Office
     
    AMBOY: (on phone) I know you got a business to run. What do you think I'm doing, playing games? Huh? Look, you know I always deliver. I just gotta make my arrangements. Oh, you think you're the only one with muscle to back up what he says, huh? Look, you know I always come through for you. I always do. What do I care how you stay open? That's your problem. (hangs up) All my dealers got troubles. I'll show them what trouble's really like if I don't make my arrangements. Well, did you take care of everything? 
     
    MUSCLE: Sure, Mr. A. 
     
    AMBOY: What about Starsky and Hutch?
     
    MUSCLE: Just like I told you before. 
     
    AMBOY: I know you told me before, but I want you to keep telling me. Do you understand? I don't want no slip-ups. We're coming down to the short strokes, and I don't want no slip-ups, do you understand me? 
     
    MUSCLE: Yes, Mr. Amboy- 
    
    
    Exterior - Day - Amboy's House
     
    STARSKY: (on walkie-talkie) Hold it. Who is that guy? 
     
    HUTCH: What? That's one guy we didn't account for. I can't make him out from here. Can you? 
     
    STARSKY: Fox. That's Squire Fox, without his English wardrobe. He must be taking Amboy out early to lose us. Let's move on him.
     
    HUTCH: Well, wait for me. Hold it, pal. 
    
    UNDERCOVER COP: You hold it, pal. Police officers and you guys are under arrest. 
    
    
    Interior - Night - Dobey's Office
     
    DOBEY: I knew this was gonna happen! 
     
    STARSKY: Captain, you're failing to appreciate one thing. 
     
    DOBEY: You know what this is? 
     
    STARSKY: Yeah, I know what that is.
     
    DOBEY: This is a court order. You keep hassling that man, you're gonna find yourself in jail. 
     
    STARSKY: Okay, then call us and next, we can slap our wrists. In the meantime, you got a buy going down any minute. 
     
    HUTCH: Captain, you can't let us get this far in this case and then pull us off when we got that scum by the back of the neck. Now, can't you pretend you never saw that warrant before, huh? 
     
    DOBEY: (on phone) Dobey here. Yeah. For you, Hutch. It's supposed to be urgent. 
     
    STARSKY: You know, Hutch has got a point. You're always mislaying things.  
     
    HUTCH: (on phone) Yeah, Hutchinson.
     
    STARSKY: Why don you just lose that for a couple of hours. 
     
    DOBEY: Told you three days ago, this was gonna happen. 
     
    STARSKY: For a couple of hours, Cap-
     
    HUTCH: Shh, shh, shh. It's Mickey. Yeah, Mickey, I'm listening. 
     
    MICKEY: You said I should call if I ever grew up. 
    
    HUTCH: Yeah, well, I'm glad you did.
    
    MICKEY: Well... Amboy didn't like me laughing at him in the tailor's store. So he had the... He...  Oh, Hutch, they hurt me.
    
    HUTCH: Mickey. Mickey, we'll help you. You know that. Now, where are you?
    
    MICKEY: That's not important. That's not important. Just listen, okay? Amboy's throwing a big party tomorrow. People are gonna be coming and going all day, getting it ready. But he's gonna be leaving at 11 in the morning, by the garden door, in the caterer's truck.
    
    HUTCH: Mickey, are you gonna be all right?
    
    MICKEY: Yeah. Tell Mr. A. I'm still laughing at him.
    
    HUTCH: Mickey. Mickey, Mickey... 
    
    AMBOY: You done real good, babe.  You see how nice we can be when you cooperate?
    
    DOBEY: What's the matter with you, Starsky? And you too, Hutch. Both of your faces are pale. I know what it is. You're coming down with the pig flu. And don't argue with me. You're both feeling bad. I'm gonna put you on sick leave. What you do with your time is your own business.
    
    HUTCH: Thanks, Captain.
    
    
    Exterior - Day - Amboy's House
    
    HUTCH: He's right on time.
    
    STARSKY: Just like Mickey said.
    
    HUTCH: There goes Amboy.
    
    
    Exterior - Day - In the Torino
    
    HUTCH: Nice day for a drive, isn't it?
    
    STARSKY: Beautiful.
    
    HUTCH: Let me ask you something. If you were Amboy and you had this buy going down, and you knew that we knew, wouldn't you try to take us out, or at least try to lose us?
    
    STARSKY: Mm-hm. Mickey sure gave us one hot tip.
    
    HUTCH: What are you thinking?
    
    STARSKY: I'm thinking, who belongs to that straw hat?
    
    HUTCH: I'll bet you a steak dinner to a pizza it ain't Amboy.
    
    STARSKY: You're on.
    
    HUTCH: Okay.
    
    STARSKY: Come on out of there, you turkey. Come on.
    
    HUTCH: Well, if it isn't Mother Goose and her Squire.
    
    STARSKY:  Tell us where Snow White is. 
    
    GOOSE: Mr. A didn't tell us a damn thing. Hey, you're not gonna leave us here like this.
    
    HUTCH: Wanna bet?
    
    
    Exterior - Day - Amboy's House
    
    AMBOY: Itchy, I'll be back in a couple of hours. When I do, I don't wanna see Mickey around anymore. I want you to get rid of her. And I want you to do it in such a way
    that she won't be no trouble to us in the future.
    
    
    Interior - Day - Amboy's House
    
    (Fight ensues.) 
    
    MICKEY: Oh, Hutch.
    
    HUTCH: Shh, shh, shh.
    
    MICKEY: Oh, Hutch. Oh, Hutch, I didn't want to do it, I swear. They made me do it.
    
    STARSKY: (on phone) This is Starsky. Send me an ambulance and a black and white over to 41, 4-1, Grove Street. All right. Thanks.
    
    HUTCH: Can you help? Mick, it's the only way we're gonna be able to end this nightmare for you.
    
    MICKEY: I don't know anything, Hutch, honestly.
    
    STARSKY: Ambulance is on its way. Is she okay?
    
    HUTCH: I think so. Listen, Mickey. Do you know where Mr. A. went for his connection?
    
    MICKEY: I don't know, Hutch. Honestly, I don't know anything.
    
    HUTCH: Shh. 
    
    STARSKY: Mickey. Mickey, something. Just try to remember something, anything.
    It might not mean anything to you, but to us it might be something. Come on. 
    
    HUTCH: Please, Mickey.
    
    MICKEY: Mr. A. said something about meeting Chuckles a couple hours ago. That's all.
     
    STARSKY: Chuckles?
    
    HUTCH: That's our friendly undertaker.
    
    
    Interior - Day - Shady Glen Funeral Home
    
    AMBOY: A pleasure doing business with you, Professor. I'll be in touch.
    
    STARSKY: Party-pooping time.
    
    (Gunfight and fist fight ensues.) 
    
    HUTCH: Hold the fort. Amboy, hold it! 
    
    AMBOY: You just got lucky, pig. You just got lucky. I had it all. I had it all!
    
    HUTCH: Remember the golden rule. The man with the gold makes the rules.
    
    AMBOY: I had it all.
    
    HUTCH: Get him out of here.
    
    AMBOY: I had it all. Get off me.
    
    STARSKY: You all right? This place gives me the creeps. Let's go home.
    
    
    Interior - Day - Squad Room
    
    HUTCH: (on phone) Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's great, Captain. All right, hold on a second.
    Hey, why doesn't he just call us in there?
    
    STARSKY: Protocol.
    
    HUTCH: Oh, yeah. Yeah, Captain. He threw the book at him, huh? That's great. How much? Thirty years? Well, it was well worth waiting for, huh? Yeah.
    
    STARSKY: Now, that's what I call terrific. Sir, I am celebrating, and I'm offering you a chance to go to the candy-bar machine and have your heart's delight. Thirty-five cents is your limit.
    
    HUTCH: Pass.
    
    MICKEY: Oh, fellas, I've been looking for you.
    
    STARSKY: Hiya, Mickey.
    
    HUTCH: Hey, Mick.
    
    MICKEY: I have got such terrific news.
    
    HUTCH: Yeah?
    
    MICKEY: Since you guys helped me get straight and everything, I wanted you to be the first to know. I got a real job.
    
    STARSKY: No kidding.
    
    HUTCH: Really?
    
    MICKEY: Nothing with sailors or funny drinks or anything like that?
    
    HUTCH: No photographers without film in the camera?
    
    MICKEY: No, no, no. It's a real, honest-to-goodness job. I am field sales representative
    for a cosmetic company for men.
    
    STARSKY: Oh.
    
    HUTCH: Oh.
    
    MICKEY: Say, men, when was the last time you found a real he-man after-shave that made your whole face feel kissing-fresh?
    
    STARSKY: You know, I got that appointment at the DMV. I really can't stay.
    
    HUTCH: Yeah. Really I'm happy for you, Mickey, but I got an allergy.
    
    MICKEY: Our special fragrance is guaranteed to make you perk up and take notice.
    
    STARSKY: Oh, is that right?
    
    MICKEY: It's called Night in Tijuana.
    
    STARSKY: That's a good name.
    
    HUTCH: Good name.
    
    MICKEY: Now, isn't that delightful? What's the matter? Oh, nuts. That's for athlete's foot. Wait a minute. Wait a minute, wait a minute, here's the real one. Okay, it's called Night in Tijuana.
    
    HUTCH: Oh, listen, Mickey...
    
    STARSKY: Mickey, we believe you.
    
    MICKEY: Take a dab. Come on, take a dab.
    
    STARSKY: No, no, no.
    
    MICKEY: More than that...
    
    END
    
    


End file.
